I had a dream last night

I had a dream last night and wanted to wake up and immediately write about it. Please forgive the randomness. I dreamed of a few things (like science community award ceremonies for astronauts lol sorry I have no idea why but that's how dreams go) before the most memorable and impactful part.

There was an old Haitian woman with a son. The son was in love with another not so old woman but the older than him who had 3 grown children who did not trust the son. They thought he was trying to take advantage of their mother. They were mean to him and he had to sneak around to see the woman he loved. The older Haitian woman was reading a series of books and in each of the books she said there were three women who had stories of overcoming grave scenarios. Scenarios that would buckle the knees of a normal person. She wrote to the women in the stories and asked them to send her a piece of fabric they treasured. They did. The woman was constructing a beautiful quilt where each of the squares represented the three women from each of the books. The old Haitian woman with the son said to me in my dream, "there are stories and women who have changed the world and it has never been recorded nor remembered. In this quilt I do both and all will be well."

I looked at the quilt and wondered what I was doing in my life to 'make all well'. I walked through the weathered house, watched the dripping sink then, saw the son standing with his child, a daughter in hand through a corridor to another room. They were both draped in youthful dark chocolate healthy glimmering skin. She had on a blue and white dress and he in red and blue pants. They weren't big or small in size. He knelt down and told her something. She went and laid down in the bed. Then he looked at me and smiled. The woman he loved's three grown male children were in the yard outside the kitchen window laying on lawn chairs listening to the ending of a song that began a language other than English and ended with the acapella 'Amen' ending that began with a high pitched AHHhh, then a mid pitched joined Ahhh, and a third lower Meeeehhhnn. As the notes came to an end they both rose at the same time and headed toward the kitchen window whee there was an old school double deck black tape recorder with the read record button.

The grown children pressed stop on the tape recorder. One said to the other, "is that the end?" The other replied, " yep, that's the end". They looked at me and said, "that's the end"

As I turned around I saw the Old Haitian woman's son had married the woman he loved and moved in. The money he contributed helped to save their home from being taken and his mother, the old Haitian woman, pointed to the quilt, with printed and hand painted images, and said, "That's the end Anana".

I woke up and typed this.

I usually pay attention to my dreams. They offer answers sometimes I'm looking for from elders I cant talk to anymore. Elders that tend to simplify things and yank me back down to the bear nuts and bolts of life.

My sister left this morning early on a 6am flight. I could barely fall asleep cause I knew when I woke up she had to leave. My heart was sad to see her go cause her energy and love and close proximity made me feel like the worries I had were doable tasks that just needed to be checked off the list. I cried a bit just so I could go to sleep and then next thing I knew it was time to take her to the airport.

On the way back, my lip poked out as if I was alone and let it out again. I knew I needed to so I could go back to my life and still enjoy the blessings I have here. Its hard to appreciate your blessings when you are busy bottling up being sad.

So, I let it out. I wondered how I pushed for so long with my family when my family made me feel so good. How in the world?

Well, New Years Eve, the elder in me told me to call just a few people who have really supported me to drop by and meet my sister. Somehow I wanted her to meet the people who have been there for me and for people to meet her. She took 7 days of her busy life and spent them with me. I was thankful cause at 27 people want to go to Jamaica and relax before going back to deal with their jobs.

We had a very mini potluck. I was already tired so I couldn't handle anything big but something in me must have sewn together a quilt of people to see for myself as a reminder of how lucky I am to have these editions in my life, in Atlanta. I had to combine them with her, the sole rep of my blood relatives to see, I guess according to the dream, "this is it".

I can type on and on about the get together. The food, the family connections we found rooted in Louisiana happily dialing cell phones to confirm links in my Atlanta living room. Or the little young people who celebrated their New Year and talked about new revised board games that blew our minds. Even the men who graciously cleaned the kitchen for all of us when the fried bread, new years greens, eggs and fruit were all done curbing our hunger. But truly I most remember the entire quilt. The big picture that it took a dream to remind me that "this is it". They are all, each patch a blessing and by showing up in more ways than one are giving me the strength to have this baby with some Faith. That's how I celebrated the last day of Kwanzaa, my niece's name and others, "Imani".

If you couldn't make it, and have been there for me, just know you are still in my quilt and I love you.

I am very full and thankful and now off to do my daily prayer and meditation.

I feel like I should type, "Namaste" and Happy New Year.

**************** The Challenge ****************

Because of my busy days with work, my sister, organizing the storage unit and cleaning up the house before the new year, sleep has been what I have been meditating on and the prayers have been from the reclining position. LOL. I am working on consistency yet, yielding to the needs of my body have been taking precedence which has not happened much before I got pregnant.

My prayers have been potent though cause as I reclined and sat up these past few days with Parris gone and have been able to get to my honest concerns quicker. My thoughts during the day are becoming less fearful and I'm feeling the Creator's presence more and more. God feels more accessible during my daily activities than when I began this journey. Not as near as I'd like but definitely more accessible. I'm thankful and will keep trucking.

**************** Pregnancy Update **************

I CANT BELIEVE IM HAVING A BABY THIS YEAR! 2010.. A BABY.. TO TAKE HOME NOT BABYSIT LOL crazy.

Belly.

I finally ordered a jazzy belly wrap to help my little sore muscles out. I also am determined after getting my hair done to hit the mall for a nice pair (to add to what I have) of maternity jeans. COMFORT IS EVERYTHING these days.

People.

Well, I now see that beefing up on people who love and support you is how you deal/cope/love from a far people who are confused and spit negative energy to you. I will follow that formula to a tee. It makes me want to spend more time building up my house as my new cousin Kamilah says and less time on anything else. I think I see now why as a single person I saw people who had families and kids as sectioning themselves off too much. I had NO idea how hard it was to muster up the energy to grow a healthy family AND fight off those who want company in their misery. It takes energy to protect your household and the spirit of a community that has been broken so many times from the outside in and the inside out. I see that now.

Food.

I will try more raw food this week and Sunday Ill hunt for that Alkaline water. Don't want my baby's body being so acidic so early. I need to balance it with alkaline food too but I have a session coming up with a woman and friend who helps with birth preparation, nutrition .. all of that. I'm looking forward to it.

Daddy.

Parris did a lot this week moving his mom here and he is so tired. I'm proud of him. I see I like seeing him work hard and I also like seeing him get the rest he needs. Funny how we begin to love the fighter in our partner along with the spirit that needs rest just like you. I cant wait to see us as parents. Still nervous but cant wait.

Baby.

Sigh. Id like to think that there is a mixture of circumstantial happenings mixed with true mama-baby communication but I KNOW this child is communicating with me through all these kicks and movements. I ask him/her questions and wait for an answer. We chat throughout the day and I'm feeling a sense of the baby's personality coming through. I'm learning the baby is active clear and definite. LOL that may be all babies but it sure is mine so far. It truely is its own person. I clearly am just a loving vessel and am reminded of that every time I push the eating timelines. LOL I love my baby.

Marriage.

At the get together there were a few other couples there and we spoke about marriage being like being in the trenchs LOL. I have NO idea how hard or pleasurable or both it will get when the baby comes but I am glad I have a little support here and abroad cause truly, its just too hard without it. The fact that Im JUST beginning a prayer regime probably have a lot to do with its difficulty but Im gonna venture to type its just hard in general. This year I will be even more strategic about my prayer, meditation and spending time with people who are building up my family and not just selfishly taking from it. Marriage is too hard to hold down for me to not have a plan like that. LOL And let me add the rewards of growing a family are too great for me to not work hard on myself and work hard protecting the happiness and "all is well" in my household.