I Think Im Ready

Hey hey now... I think Im ready to restart the challenge I originally started of meditation and prayer twice a day. What I am now realizing is I have bypassed accomplishing a lot by just (somewhat) maintaingin this blog. Usually in the past when I journal my handwriting is so horrible I dont have the pleasure of rereading typos an bad ideas or good ideas and repeat revelations. I tell you its quite a journey in life when you cant help but be introspective on a day to day basis. I know people who arent very introspective DIALY and lemme tell you its seems like they are having more fun and stress/think about tuff less. But all in all FINALLY at 36 I am learning who I really am and what will just be me .. just be who I am.

I danced fully yesterday with friends for the first time in months.. for the first time since before the baby and I tell you it was like a delicious meal after coming off a fast. I had on of those moments when my hand strecthed in the air mid stream where I felt time stand still ( on purpose or divine ordered ) it stood still for me.. little old me to have a moment of sheer gratitude and bliss for being able to move without worrying about hurting the baby or without extreme pain from the surgery or or or. It was sheer gratitude and blis. My chest is warm just thinking about it.

My body, yes I feel enormous.. like I have on a jiggly snowsuit. When I see my refelction I just cant beleive how large I am. I know people are talking about how big Ive gotten post baby or not. Im in such a visible position by teaching dance. And yess I can type how looks dont matter and dont care what people think but I do NOTICE what people think. It doesnt register however as much as I think about myself. I think I look stifled by the weight. Not completely unattractive but bottled up by cellulite. Whats crazy is when i was smaller no one wanted to hear what I had to say about my weight or image then they would cancel it out. Like my emotions didnt matter cause I wasnt 800lbs. Now no one wants to heasr it either cause they want to feel beuatiful. Well all our wants cant do a darn thing if the person (ME) isnt doing internal work to not feel that way. What is bad s not letting someone express thier true emotions no matter what thier size is.

Lastly I escaped to Jeju Saturday. I really really am glad I took that time for myself to wash and be clean. I have to leave early cause I cant stomach knowing I mniss Jasiri M-F and only have two days to spend with him. Im not primary in his development im not his priary consoler during the day. It frustrates me and Im trying to find a way to be at peace with where I am knowing Im doing my best... but im not there.

**** the challenge 365 days meditation and prayer twice a day ****
Well I need to count to find out what day Im on but im a good 6months into this challegne that took a hiatus due to child birth. At this moment I have a strong pull to shower up and step out and meditate but its fighting a big fat draw to get to work extra early and get a jump on my task list. Its going to be a busy week. I dont know what Im going to do but I will write about it and stick as much to my challegne as I can.

My cousin said the only thing I should remember abut spiritual growth is it is inconsistent. Im hoping so cause regularity is not my strong suit. Try to get a groove worked in for my spirit.
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Post Partum

I think I have a touch of it. I thought it would come on out of no where like a singular storm cloud everyone points at but it never rains. But no, its a DIRECT result of stressors. Still healing fromthe surgery (pain etc.), work and other things

I wish I lived closer to family. Im convinced that the effects of post partum can be washed away if you have more women family around you. Currently im stressed because I chose to blog instead of getting to work early so Im imagining things that coul go wrong at the office because I didnt choose to leave out. But Im learning I need to be sane to be a good worker LOL and this is helping. So crazy how cold this modern world is towards the changes a woman goes through. I do need more time to adjust on the inside. To bond with Zaiire to get my body healthy. I sit at my desk all day and have to pump no walk at lunch time cause the girls get enormous.

But, I think Im ready to continue growing on the inside so my outside can refelct the peace I will feel on the inside.

Z Baby

I love him. He is so much darn fun it almost doesnt seem fair.


Thanks for reading. Id love to read your comments.
Nana

Sleep Walking ad Living in my Head

Sleep Walking ad Living in my Head


Before I begin, let me bring you up to speed via video of my babies growth. I love him so (born May 5, 2010 - 3 months old now). Just amazed I was lucky enough to be a conduit for him coming here.

VIDEO – 15 DAYS OLD http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNznpC4MAD0

VIDEO - ZaiireJasiri 1month and 6days after his first bath 6/8/10 ... Zaiire Jasiri Dean Parris ...

VIDEO VIDEO - Zaiire Jasiri and his daddy doing exercises (laughing) Zaiire Jasiri and his daddy doing exercises (laughing) 5 weeks old in 3 month old clothing lol 11lbs

VIDEO Reading to Zaiire 2 1/2 months old Daddy P reading to Zaiire

The birth story will be another blog, just know I had to have an emergency c-section from complications the hospital created (exactly like the movie the business of being born said). I have been loving on Zaiire since he came out and now I am at work. 8am – 5pm and I wanna cry from missing him sometimes. It just seems wrong to need to nurse, have my glands fill up(painfully might I add) every few hours and me give it all to a machine until I get home, super tired only to have him on occasion prefer the bottle to me, his mother. Now don’t get me wrong, if I have enough milk stored that pump is my best friend. It means sleep. It means my baby gets the best nutrition for him and I get the best medicine for my fatigue.
I cant describe this phase but I can say that my interest prior to delivering Zaiire of prayer and meditation is so needed right now. I knew what I was gonna need. I needed to increase my faith. And boy do I need it. Im believing too much in what I see right now. What Im hearing right now. Worry, concern .. fear. About money, work, marriage, family, a new house.. just too much. I need to reach for that which I cant see and I do wish I had a better connection before hand however now is not the time for regrets. I just remember wanting to see where I am now when I was pregnant. I wanted to know exactly how hard it would be so that I would be inspired to try harder. What I am learning and have learned is my forceful push to solve and finalize a spiritual regimen was the exact thing that would make this time difficult. The pushing. Im like the child that keeps asking “why, why, why but why” only IM doing it to myself and aggravating myself LOLOOL. So, Ive been sleepwalking and living in my head. Experiencing and trying to figure out at the same time “why” then “how” , how to “fix” things. How to I fix the fact that my boobs swell up with milk hurt and are sore all day long? Cant. Its just how it is. How do I get sleep, feed my baby, work, grow a business and be happy all at the same time? Cant, have to prioritize. My mind knows these things but for some reason Im still asking why over and over again. Sigh, well. I did get one thing right. This blog. I need to get it out. I have also received some excellent constant advice from my cousin who me/enlightened me in on the very thing I need to spend a life time working on.. and that is not to forcefully push or over organize a spiritual expression cause letting your spirit flow is not a regimented thing and my spirited has been boxed up after the physical trauma of child birth and now the survival mode of money making. Just typing this out seems to be a release. I need to get back to it.
Im grateful for the health of my family. Im grateful Im not nauseas anymore Im grateful my baby is storng and healthy. I grateful for the house Im hoping to buy. Im grateful for JEJESAUNA.NET! Im grateful for my sister nieces and mother coming to visit me. Im grateful for my cousin and friends who help me find sanity once a week. Im grateful for my income. Im grateful I will be able to dance soon. Im grateful for sun on my skin. Im grateful for pecan candy and caramel cake. I grateful for sistahs that understand. I grateful for my great grandmother and ancestors that dealt with more than me.Im grateful for my babies smile.
Siiigghh .. I feel a little better. Thanks for reading. Being honest aint easy but it sure is freeing.
Nana

I Had The Baby.. My Son is Here

Who loves him. I do. Born 5/5/10 6:30pm

The story of his transition is one I will type later but Im up and should be sleeping since he has blessed us with a straight sleep of 1am - now 6am. A full 5 hours. We are blessed.

I cant sleep becqause we are naming him today and lots of people (more than I'd like) are coming over to hear his name.

This is a family naming ceremony not a spiritual one so we the parents are in charge.

I feel different but the same. I thought I would become more intense and bolt at the sign of strife around my child but so far the only major strife is the healing I need surroundnig these stitches as a resukt of an emergnecy c-section. Yes emergency. Painful and long story Ill type out later.

My husbands mom is here helping and my day are spent happily responding to the needs ofo an 11 day old newborn. My joy. My heart is full of everthing for him. Hope love joy. I want to cry everytime I see him. Tears of joy of course and releif Imade it through a ro9ugh pregnancy.

A pregnancy that taught me what real friends and family were. What it means for me to have compassion for others even when Im at my lowest. A pregnancy that taught me I have the balls of a dinosaur when I need to pull them out. A pregnanxy that showed me God hasnt forgetten about me and is also with my son. The miracle that had two cords wrapped around his neck.

I have very little small talk for folks these days. I feel full and heavy with emotion. Some of it I need to rinse out as a result of a traumatic and lonely bithing experience. I love my close friends for yanking me out of the lonely feeling every now and then. I wanna cry as I type thinking about how scaared I was in that hospital but had to block it out.

Even now. In my own house. I dont feel the freedom to cry about it all. To let it out wihtout being judged incompetent or overly emotional. Already my husband is dealing withme in a clinical way in hopes of expressing his love through safety. Pushing aside the emotional care (cause its not his forte although he's brewing with love for me) as something thats secondary and separate from sanity. When infact your emotional health is a major part of your sanity I now see.

In the hospital bed, the worst feeling in the world was not being listend to. I would say something and the main response was .."breathe Nana breathe"... it was like everything I said was a different language, Aside from some very supportive moments rom many I also had cell phones pushed in my face to "say hi" while I was in labor and overheard side conversations about random things while the worst contractions (petosin induced) in the world ravaged my body. Id grip the sheets and someone was making small talk on the phone about the progression of everything.

It was surreal. I couldnt believe it.

Its over now and the olingering effects are physically daunting but my little chocolate cloud of joy is laying next to me. He is perfect.

I need to pray befor eth eceremony. I need to pray hat God guide my mouth and I stay strong inthe face of those who care but if they smell weakness it could be amo for those who have not had my best interest at heart in the past that are attending. I am so glad my invitees have and are bringing compassion to the room cause even in the extended fasmily circle everyone doesnt wish you well.

On thepositive side, the ceremony is the beginning our how my son will define himself. I need to pray now more than ever. Especially for him. That God watches over him and keeps his hert and mind clear of fear.

I do feel different. I feel like praying.

Please excuse typos. I dont plan to go back and clean it up.

LoveNana

"... its been a long time since I left you, without a dope .."

aaaand I'm back. Talk about a long stretch. I feel different today. This morning. Its about 6am and Im up trying to down my water, still a challenge, and I really am getting close to the end of the pregnancy but not my challenge. I wish I knew what it was specifically that I'm afraid of when it comes to praying and meditating. I can only guess I'm afraid it won't help. Which is insane because every single time I do it does. What in the world is that all about?

Am I worried that I will grow beyond people I love and miss them? Am I worried that God will laugh at my efforts? Am I worried that I I wont be consistent? Well, one thing I do know is I definitely beat up and punish myself as if Im my own medieval flogging preacher and worshiper every time things don't go as my little head thinks it should. Typing things out helps cause reading over my own thoughts shows I had no idea I was so punitive of my own actions when God and he faith I want to reinforce is so loving and forgiving. This is why I'm sure I need regular help.

Some great things have happened. The closer I'm getting to delivering, the more people have come out to support the journey. The larger my belly gets the sweeter my husband gets. The visual side of pregnancy matters 100%. I never knew that. I thought maybe I could get a 30/70 split leaning towards support no matter how big I was but nope, what a good lesson in reality. Just like out of sight out of mind. I dont think if it wasnt for facebook folks would remember I was even pregnant. But I dont take offense at all its just truely a shattering of this mystical image I had in my head of how pregnancy would be. Sort of like a woman being fed the fairytale image of marriage. I was never ever one of those women and thought I had an edge, then I got pregnant and needed a Rehab center to survive the sobering effects of what pregnancy and the treatment of pregnant women is really like.

Don't get me wrong Im not trying to say its all bad I just have to be honest and say my imagination and expectations FAR surpassed the experience and I now see through journaling that that was my number one battle. Sigh, truly sobering.

The blessing is that folks have decided to accompany me still as I continued to learn it like kind grandparent, loving but allowing to fall and fail and get hurt and cry and 'express disappointment' and contemplate and reflect and strategize.. and basically over think the hell out of being pregnant LOL.

Well, I'm so thankful to those and for the forced experiences that make me sit down and just be thankful. The most current forced experience has been .... a CONTRACTION! LOL

********* 365 Meditation and Prayer twice a day ***********

So, the challenge. In my last blog/journal entry I wanted to find a community but have been so preoccupied with going on leave from work and organizing the home I seem to have blocked everything out.

I have noticed I've reverted back to verbal dumping of fears and concerns onto friends. Sorry ya'll. I know its a balance that occurs in friendships but Im ready to grow beyond making friends my only source. Its a taxing job for someone who is only human. I think my ego forgets peer to peer counseling is not the most humbling experience since we are all in the same boat. Talking to God humbles me instantly. Maybe thats adding to my resistance. So I'm not giving up on he challenge. I have avoided it lately and used as an excuse... what would it matter if I didnt. But it matters a lot. I dont want to give up on growing. Not just because of the baby but because I said I wanted to be a better person. I dont want to be a big fat chicken and limit myself when the people before me didnt limit themselves.

Im back on the horse again. And will be more forgiving of myself when I mess up and shorten the time span for trying again. Honestly I think that is a massive theme in my life in most areas. I need to meditate on releasing all of that.

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*************The Pregnancy **************

Stretch Marks

Apparently lotioning everyday is not the only thing you are supposed to do. Sigh....

The other assignment seems to be;

-wear your belly brace as often as possible no matter how much the baby punches it

-dont walk around at all so gravity can not help the fault lines form

- dont just focus on the part of the belly you can see when heavily lotioning LOL

- dont just lotion after a shower. hit the stomach up as often as possible sigh

I just wish I knew these things ahead of time lol

Baby

The baby is larger.. muuuch larger. My ribs are less tender but the sharp jabs that to the baby is finding a comfortable nook by its foot have not stopped.

The baby is fun and funny. I cant wait to match the out of womb personality with the in the womb personality. Sometimes I worry about hurting it when I bend down but the doctors tell me repeatedly the baby is ok. Before, I felt movement now I feel a person inside me. So so strange. I feel it completely. It never gets old. Ever.

People

Apparently the number 1 question now from people I dont know well is that I am 8+ months is " .. so , are you scared about the delivery." then I see an invisible bowl of popcorn come out like Im the matinee show before their main activity for the day. Funny how near strangers will dib and dab at emotional questions when you are pregnant that they wouldntr for any other topic like " so.. before your divorce hearing were you scared?".

The great thing is about people now is that they are allowing me more space to be me. Pregnancy give you an authenticity pass in public cause folks want to believe the only reason you are acting a certain way is because you are pregnant. Its all very interesting, but I do feel much better about dealing with people.

I heard a friend tell me recently the Maya Angelou was being interviewed on the Tom Joyner Morning show (not a fan but happy about the community work he does). One of the female interviewers ask Maya Angelou if she ever had an affair. Maya told her, " honey there are just somethings you dont ask a lady in public. Now get her in private and there's no telling what she'll say but there are just some things you dont ask a woman in public." Not all people ofcourse, but some are just without any home training and they all have something to say.

Whats REALLY funny is the "people" who without asking to touch your belly reach to touch it say, not 5 mins later, "when I was pregnant I hated when people didnt ask me to touch my belly." And I'm thinking, what alternate universe is she living in cause she just reached for mine without asking? Craziness LOL

Labor

I have absolutely no idea what to expect other than various levels of pain. Im praying some music and my number one coping mechanism, jokes, will help but who knows. I do know that Im actively blocking out the fear peddlers cause they are all over the place like some Stephen King movie.

I had a few light contractions and went to the hospital last week. I saw the maternity ward for the first time. They werent letting visitors through cause of the Swine Flu.. wait no the H1N1 thing. They wanted the flu season to pass. So we got to talk to the nurses about the policies and my mind was laid to rest about a lot of worries that day. I feel positive now about going in.

The only thing I wish is if I had someone for me to be there for my delivery since now its just me Parris and his mom. My mom was gonna be my coach but she's not gonna make it. I know Ill be fine but I wish that was different.

I also think about the dangers of labor sometimes. Parris and I had "the talk" if something happened he wanted to know my wishes as far as saving the baby or saving me. I told him without question save the baby. Ive had a good run here and Im truly satisfied with my life. If I had to leave I know for a fact I have done my best to love people and not try to make them guess if I love them or not. Its the baby's turn.

Friends

Friends have been love peddlers and I can't thank them enough. Truly, I cant. I must say I wasnt good at it before but it really is nice to receive.

Family

I miss them more and more each day of this journey and am thankful for those who behave like family here in ATL. I would have a different experience without them.

In a Bubble

Lately I havent only NOT been doing my challenge, I have been contemplating if the challenge is helping as much as I need it to. I started the challenge thinking the prayer and meditation would reveal things to me. It has to some extent but the closer i get to delivering the more worried I get that I am not spiritually equipped to handle the process and other people.

Life is changing big time and I have a greater need for receiving good energy from others than before. With this challegne and the pregnancy I feel like I am in a bubble. A bubble walking on a journey only I can do. Just me. No one else can be this beautiful baby's mama. Carry it. Deal with everything that comes with the reality that my dad raised me primarily and I have no idea how to be a mother. Only I can face that and in this bubble I see people wanting me to smile and cheese and speak positive only. Care for te baby and never be negative. So, Ive been feeling myself become fake, something Ive never done. I dont know if its becoming fake to please people and keep them away or if I just dont know any other way to respond to these massive changes and truthful experiences. Im learning through NOT meditating that without a spiritual community that inquires about your heart, your prayer, your fears.

I look at people and I know they have troubles just like I do. I know they have challenges. I also know that my personal fears and challenges wont go away with a blog. I am also learning they wont go away with me keeping them to myself. I want to keep the challenge so I dont isolate myself. This blog is my way of staying honest with the people I care about but I now see that I need help or.. company on my spiritual journey.

I am not sure if sitting in a chapel, then socializing afterwards is really helpful to me. I wish I could be like some who do everythign privately and get results. They go to a church or a mosque etc. and socialize and go to work and .... blah blah and they pray in private and reconcile thier confusion, thier fears and hopes in private. They get replenished and continue going on and on and on. I beleive those people exist. At this moment in my life, I am at a crossroads and want to choose a peaceful foundation. A consistency I have not incorporated.

So, now I want to add that in addition to prayer and meditation I want to find a spiritual community. Not a cult or a watered down social network. A simple, basic, sincere place to be me. Happy, sad, confused, imperfect, uncomfrtable, comfortable.. me. People who are also on a journey but the environment and goals of the practice inspire them to want to deal with the insides of a person. If I am missing for a while and am going through a major change, those people wont wait for me to ask for help. They will call or visit and offer. The community will be just as flawed as others. It will have an understanding of the pull of modern times and schedules and economics but operate in a fashion that is easy. Simple.

I feel like now I can have something to ask for in my prayers and listen for in my meditation. I would like guidance towards that. In the past I researched several monotheistic religions. I attended religious ceremonies. I realized it didnt matter the practice it was the people I didnt trust. I didnt see anything but selfishness in people. Unplanned, survival of the fittest selfishness. Emotion driven selfishness. I was already trying to shake that myself. Still am. This emotion driven life is all over the place and absolutely no fun lol.

So, has this journal/blog helped. Yes. Its open. Humbling. I read over entries know full well a whole ONE person may be reading and am still a bit embarrased by certain things but I'm happy to release it. The harm.. I dont think there is a harm but writing this with minimal feedback has shown me how much I need feedback on my spiritual journey and I cant expect friends who have not signed up to be 'spiritual friends' to join me. Its a bit egotistical and I get it now.

Its easy to confuse a call for help in the spiritual department as an egotistical push for attention. I really just projected a need on people who were not put here to guide me anywhere. I get it now.

*********** The Challenge 365 days of prayer and meditation twice a day *************

Ah.. the ambition of it all LOL. I knew I would learn something but now Ive learned more than I ever imagined. Ive learned not what I want but what I need. Time to prayer for help finding a spiritual community big or small that does the above or what God knows I need. Im not meant to travel this journey alone. Thats what this challenge is teaching me.

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Ill keep you posted. And for the very few. Thanks for reading. Atleast if my baby asks one day who its mother was, those reading my thoughts in this journal/blog can have an answer from my rawest thoughts.

Love yall
Nana

On my way back

Ok, Im back again. For some reason this morning I feel better. Or wait.. not better but more hopeful about things. I have absolutely no detailed plan but I feel better. I was a sad face zombie yesterday but today mama is back and ready to prepare for the new formula. I think I needed to mourn the loss of the "old plan" and now on to a new plan. (laughing) I still have absolutely no idea how Im gonna do it especially when everyone thinks you are ok all the time and that you are superwoman and that itll all work out so some just disappear and come back when it 'worked out' lol. But Ill make it either way.

There are so many women with much less that succeeded but Im talking about me and right about now I feel like an enthusiastic 12 year old in the game. No skills no wisdom lol just enthusiasm and hope. Im thankful God has presented something inside me from somewhere to shake this fear loose enough to plan and prepare.

What I have learned so far is, when Im physically sick everything seems dismal. I have sooo much respect for those who are chronically sick and keep thier own spirits and other peoples up. Not breathing through your nose and back pain keeping you up at night makes you a cranky person lol. So, today Im going to survey some options for help once the baby comes and plan to succeed in this uncharted territory.

******* The CHallenge 365 days of prayer and meditation twice a day **********

So far we are 2 months and three days into the challegne and I tell you there were days where no prayer nor meditation happened. The only thing that tried to happen was sleep. I truely feel like no matter what my condition I should be praying and meditating and Im hoping staying focused on this challenge will help me continue to consider it.

Now that Im nominally stuffy and physically feeling a little better I defintiely am going to pray and meditate this morning. I have the time and dont feel a physcial distraction.

Ill have to blog about it tonight.
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Pregnancy

I have an appointment Tuesday at 11 I think where I need to present my birthing plan to the physician. Things I want to happen during the birth like people I want in the room. Stuff I dont want to have happen like I cant take people yelling at me (lol). So anyhoo, Ihave to work on that.

Baby

Love the baby. Love it.

Not a good feeling

I found out my mom isnt doing well health wise yesterday. The last time she visited she had a seizure in front of me. It was hoirrible. She is set to come down and I cant tell you how hapy I was cause we never got to spend a lot of time together as I was growing up. I wanted to ask her face to face so many questions. Things I could only ask in person. As I am on my way to becoming a mother I feel I can do it, I can be a good mom even though I spent little time with my own. Im just sad today because she may not be well enough to stay long. I said with this blog I would be honest and right now, I dont feel very happy. I want to put on a smiley face cause as soon as someone sees a pregnant woman crying they immediately want her to stop. I just need to get it out I think.

The doctor said her diabetes is barely being managed, her cholesterol is extremely high along with her blood pressure. They basically said shes a prime candidate for a heart attack at any moment. I know I shouldnt focus on the negative. I guess part of me was just really looking for the story book experience like all of us. We watch movies or hear stories, sometimes exaggerated sometimes not, about other peoples family experiences and we cry for what we never knew. I can easily say it wasnt all bad growing up and it wasnt. Ive been very very blessed. But right now I dont feel like speaking in a very balanced way.

I think because Im sick right now and in the house laid up with minimal sleep the night before I just am sad right now. My primary way of dealing is to get organized and find another solution. My friend Bonnie said I can just shorten the stay but I am so very worried about her health and I wont be strong enough to help her and the baby if something happens. So much is riding on my mom changing years of habitual eating and lifestyle behavior in a short amount of time. I want to have faith all will be well but I want to be smart. Pretending all will be well wont make it well. I was so excited about her staying atleast two months. But I know it wont be possible for her to stay that long. This sucks. I really was excited about her coming. Really excited. It felt good to say for once in my life my mom was coming to help me. I know I can do anything I set my mind to but I honestly didnt see myself alone going through my first time mothering my baby. What was I thinking in life traveling around trying to find myself. Now Im in a city with barely any blood relatives, inlaws who are sweet but are more distant in behavior than my family and my first pregnancy. I could have set it up better than this. But whats done is done. At some point in the day Ill suck it up and realize my blessings and know that so many have it much worse, much much worse than me. But right now I am just taking a moment to be honest and say that Im so sad my mom wont be with me. Family will be flying in and out but not staying a while. What was I thinking?

***** The challenge 365 days of prayer and meditation twice a day ****

One would say this is the perfect time to pray. Old me would say its a perfect time to go dancing. This is the time when I wish there were 7 drummers infront of me and friends dancing around me so the fear and sadness can go away. I have doubts that prayer and meditation can help. I want to go outside and walk in the sun cause its nice out but my sinuses are killing me and my body is sleep deprived. I know after I pray Ill feel better. It has happened so many times in the past. I guess I just feel like this pregnancy is making me as strong as people think I already am. cause I dont feel too strong today. I hope I decide to have a little faith and pray and meditate today.

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Pregnancy

Well still in the home stretch and even though Im sad right now Im so very thankful. So much about being pregnant I dont like. An older woman told me if we all shared everything that happens during pregnancy no woman would want to do it. Well, I dont have anything beuatiful to say about it right now. Maybe try another blog.

Baby

The most beautiful thing about the journey. The baby is the best. It makes me smile at times like this.