Day 8, 9 and 10...So I had a cold

*chart of US ranking pretty badly in the list of infant mortality rates compared to other developed countries. this image references my preggy update below. Source: CDC








I am now realizing that last week, when I was feeling bad, I had a cold. I was feeling bad cause I had a cold mixed with the joys of pregnancy. Its all so confusing when the experience is new for you. The bliss of a baby in your belly is very very nice and the discomfort is highly underrated and under discussed. I guess cause every woman has a different experience, but still. Cramping, nose bleeds... sigh... I digress.

********* The challenge: 365 days of prayer and meditation twice a day **********

Day 8, Friday, Christmas Day, I only prayed once in the morning. I was thankful for the day off from work to spend without major deadlines and chill with the hubby. It was a busy day filled with goooood food. I personally am not a big Christmas person but I am a big family person so I enjoyed getting together with folks. I was giddy about my little sister coming down so I looked forward to that but had to send of the hubby to Houston to grab the fabulous mother in law (not looking for points she really is fabulous). There was a lot of sugar that day and a little bit of salt but overall, a good day. Prayer would have helped a lot with the salt. It was nothing but a pile of confusion and fear about things not improving. What if the stuff you want to improve doesn't. What if what if what if... I should have prayed.

Day 9, Saturday, I slept most of the day kicking the last of the cold and pretty uncomfortable in general. Not one prayer nor meditation. Just a ride to the airport twice, a lip poked out saying bye to Parris and some ear to ear smiling seeing my cutie pie little sister at baggage claim. I wish all my sisters could have come but 'dats life'. I cant say I felt really bad. I think the time with my sister on Saturday gave me so much happiness like the 'instant gratification hound' I am I was satisfied and chose not to formally pray and meditate. I say that because the purpose of the challenge was to not just prayer when things are bad or momentarily good but as a discipline. I got a taste of sunshine and did not think twice about dumping the challenge. I'm not happy about it. But it happened.

Day 10, Sunday, again, woke up ready to spend the day with my sister. She's a grown woman indeed but I cant help still seeing both of my little sisters as 4 year olds. Even though in many ways they are more mature than me. It was so nice to just hang with her. Listen to her and hear what I can do to add to her life. I quickly was reminded this trip was for both of us. That night, actually throughout the day, I thought about my challenge. I honestly thought .. oh well I'm happy about my sister. Things aren't perfect but for the moment I'm happy. In my heart I knew that was not enough. I knew it was the typical temporary fix I get from people I care about that cant compare to the past sessions of prayer and meditation Ive had. It just cant compare. Its crazy cause, spending special time with people used to be the end all to be all. Well, that and dancing. I now know much better, but I don't know how to incorporate the two on a more regular basis. Guess I have my topic for my next prayer/meditation.

Not to mention, I am still clueless as to how to be peaceful at work all day. I surely need to pray for and meditate on that one. Leave it to work and co-workers to insite the need for prayer LOL.

Getting back on the challenge horse. Immediately. Today is Day 11. I will get my prayer and mediation on.

The journey. I read so much about it being about the journey so I wont beat up on myself for the last few days cause I clearly see a difference. I would not have known the difference if I hadn't slacked on the challenge. But I truly want a bit more peace and today I got quite irritated when I didn't get my way so I absolutely need to work on the EGO...(Erasing God Out) as Dr. Barbara would say. Prayer definitely has helped with reducing my elusive ego. How do I take care for myself without over indulging in myself? On day at a time I guess.. again Ill pray about it LOL.

Oh and my "talk less assignment" I received during meditation last week. I did use it randomly. It helped a lot. I need to keep that party going LOL.

A WORD ABOUT CONTENT

In one of my previous posts I talked about content or knowledge and how I needed to research/read more. I read some things in the past, talked to people and simply because of my surroundings I kept hearing "read the bible". Well before the challenge I started reading it. Genesis. I only got up to Abraham getting his "ham" extension and Lot and his daughters part EGHH! But I will begin again. And add my thoughts (like they matter but its nice to discuss).

I also read the basic info on Buddhism. I have thoughts. I'm gonna dedicate a section to content/knowledge/readings in this blog and if anyone ever wants to chat about it please let me know. The content will give me something to ponder other than my confusing daily activities. lol

Now... for comic relief mixed with some serious religious content I have been listening 2pm - 3pm to a daily talk radio show "Talk What Cha Know" on http://www.wbok1230am.com/. Its hosted from a Christian perspective but no comment/caller/topic has been off limits. It's out of New Orleans and let me tell you the callers are HILARIOUS! Some are serious but 50% of the time the callers are hilarious!!!!!! The content is pretty good too. Just a note.

****************************************************************************


*****************Pregnancy Update *******************************



Movies

So I recently, last night, saw the movie "The Business of Being Born". I already knew America was one of the WORST when it came to child birth complications and mortalities IN THE DEVELOPING COUNTRIES. Yes, ONE OF THE WORST. I not only saw a few documentaries prior to getting pregnant, but in the past but I took a sex ed class where I was re-educated on how poorly our birthing and infant mortality statistics are in this country. I highly recommend the movie and it has me wanting to give birth at home unless there are complications of course. But we are on the 16th floor in a high rise with an elevator that could give out at the wrong time so Ill be in the hospital. I just don't want the drugs at all. I'm sure at some point Ill want to delete this phrase on the blog but I want my process to be unaffected and NOT susceptible to the same errors that PUT the US on the list of the worst places to give birth. I doubt a hospital will let me go without any drugs and I cant give birth in the condo... so... the jury is out but Mama Nana will find an answer. That's for sure.

http://www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com/

Emotions.

I'm a bit irritable in general today but I think its because the cold is making the general pregnancy issues a bit more aggravating. I'm definitely not experiencing the flu or anything but my fatigue level ain't no fun. Cant WAIT for Jeju! http://www.jejusauna.net

Food.

Sigh... the same. I'm going to find my Doula soon. I'm tired of guessing and making random phone calls. I need a bit of regular, formal support. Clearly free styling alone in Atlanta is not getting it.

I do need to get some Alkaline water. Soon.

The Baby.

This baby is turning into a regular kicking and squirming machine. All this energy is great. Keeps me up but its great. Kick away so I know you are still with me little one.

People.

Sigh. Prayer and meditation makes this part a lot easier. I'm realizing so much now how imbalanced some of my friendships have been. I love giving but I see now that in some cases it was primarily one sided.

I am surely refining my priorities list quicker these days. A whole new world lately for me. Very different. This is truly a rites of passage experience with NO ELDERS around to guide me. LOL. No fair, but at least Ill be here for my daughter one day.

I can say this reminds me also of when I got married. For some reason it didn't matter what I said some friends disappeared, completely. I still called repeatedly but I learned then painfully that when my life changes some people change how they deal with you. And there's nothing you can do about it. People can bounce for many reasons but I guess no one can take away prayer and meditation.

Body.

This muscles in your stomach stretching out thing causes pain. Somethig else that is rarely mentioned. I don't like it LOL. The baby's growth spurts are my BELLY growth spurts LOL. funny what you don't put together fully until its your turn. I have no idea why I didnt think Id feel this ENTIRE process to this extent. Most women who have gone through this already are so unimpressed by my

The other thing is, all these physical changes are reminding me everyday this is my own singular journey. People staring and grabbing my stomach without asking (still annoying)
is just something I have to deal with alone. Just like those BLESSED labor pains in route. LOL

In the video I really liked them speaking about "the wall" or the rock and a hard place. The point during labor every woman apparently reaches that she realizes

1. it hurts too much to push
and..
2. if I don't push Ill be pregnant even longer

She says its then that you bear down and become who you always have been.

They speak about it as just as hard as it seems but a moment in a woman's life when she learns how powerful she really is. The midwife also talks about missing that doesn't make you less of a woman at all. I feel like some emotional and relationship challenges feel that way.
Pushing through pain in LIFE is hard.. if you want to grow and deliver a new situation.

Its so sad some of us don't have a more ingrained network of women or men to support and guide us through life like "in the old days". Nothing is EVER perfect so I know the "old days" weren't perfect. But I really wish we could take the good from the past and help each other out more. I think I'm gonna do some research.

Creating a sense of comfort from nothing can sometimes feel damn near impossible. But I'm learning its not impossible it just FEEEEEEELS that way Sighhhhhh. There is so much I was never taught that I had to learn on my own but that movie inspired me to believe a little more in myself. I can do this.