Day 5... 1st incompletion of challenge

*mmm I made this last night and it put a smile on my face

Day 5. Tuesday Dec 23rd. The challenge of prayer and mediation twice a day only .. only ½ done for the first time. Its 2am and I cant sleep. I don’t feel well. I can’t tell anymore what it is. My body is doing 27 things all at once and I cant event figure out whats going on LOL. Headache, definitely, I know I hugged a co-work that had a cold. What was I thinking.

Well, I had my first day not completing the challenge. I only did half a day. The challenge is 365 days of prayer and mediation twice a day. I woke up in the morning and was really tired. (So bored with typing that lol) I shuffled around until I was barely ready for work. If Parris would not have helped me make lunch and breakfast I would have walked right out unprepared gearing up to spend unnecessary money.

So far doing activities after work really drain me. ANY activity. The fatigue seems to put me right back into limited activity but nothing compares to the frustration of bedrest (lol).

The holiday visit rounds are coming and the talk of Christmas, its origins etc have begun. But first my half accomplishment of the challenge.

***************** Prayer & Meditation****************

In the morning I just was tired and didnt pray at all. I thought to myself, "Im tired. What will happen REALLY if I just dragged myself to work sleepy. I went to work as normal and had an ok day. I drove around like a lost puppy after work trying to figure out dinner and I ended up at Whole Foods or “Whole Paycheck” as my friends and I call it. I knew what I had a taste for and it was that picture up above. Pan fried French bread in olive oil and butter with grilled tomatoes shrimp onions and orange peppers and a little marinara sauce. It was my first time experimenting on a new dish in a while and yes, I saw it on the movie, it was delicious. Parris and I had dinner and sat together. A long day really requires a good meal at the end and a calm moment. It was really nice. I was so tired I conked out.

The day almost passed but I woke up late in the night to wake up from feeling bad. I think I really had junk that I needed to talk out. It was on me and feeling bad late at night triggered the need. My stomach must be having a growth spurt or I just need to sleep a bit. I looked at Parris and like often decided not to wake him and take my path of womanhood alone that night (lol). I figured Id save up for when I’m really large. It is hard to see him sleeping like a Nyquil commercial but I pried myself up and began my normal inhouse shuffle of feet trying to come up with an answer. I looked to my left in the living room and wanted to see my great grandmother. I wanted her to tell me how to feel better so I could get some sleep. My lip poked out as if it was really possible and fussing to myself I caved and decided to pray. I have no idea why I chose to fight it. I think its basic lack of belief in its benefits. I sat and talked to God. I was honest. I sorted it out and yapped and cried and said thank you. I heard myself say things that weren’t ok. I talked and talked. I started to hear more balance. My frustration with the physical discomfort was clouding my vision and memory. The prayer helped me remember the whole picture. The full story. I felt better and thought I heard someone say “you are ok”. I was. Then I meditated. It started off more like a mental prayer and so I shifted so I could receive. I did and got a message to talk less in these next days. Its amazing the energy talking takes from you. I definitely got that message and will oblige. Lucky I have this blog that not many read LOL to express myself.

******** Pregnancy Update ******************

People.

I am beginning to feel like a stuffed show pony. Peoples eyes gloss over and they don’t see a person they see a pregnant person. Not those close to me but ‘associates’. They want to touch your belly. That’s it. Like your belly is some sort of portal to happiness you are keeping from them. I feel really hypocritical because I was one of those greedy selfish people. My eyes glossed over and I completely ignored the woman and focused straight on the miracle of a whole new person with no issues no judgement no fear no hate and extrememly close to God within my arms reach. I however had the common courtesy to not touch… sigh… What do you do when you live in a society where everyone plays by different rules. You become a RULER LOL… no really. I loved wizzing by too fast for folks to break any rules but no.... now people come out of the woodworks and forwardly impress what they think is ok in you. So, I am getting much better with smiling and saying “please keep your greedy stinking hands to yourself” hahahaha. Just Kidding but I am getting better at setting boundaries. My mama protectiveness has definitely kicked in big time,

Baby.

This baby is very special. Im sure every mom thinks this. Its amazing the character you feel in their kicking and punching. It’s the first experience of knowing you have absolutely no control over this little being lol. It has its own life and own ideas. "What Anana... too sleepy to get up and fix a three course meal? "Pfff , the baby says "get your butt up and make it happen mama" through its psychic control and swift kicks lolol. I feel like Im in an old Star Trek episode being led by mind control by a wonderful being I don’t even see LOL. I used to love Star Trek.

My Body.

What can I say.. God is no joke. Its amazing how your body changes. Before the only changes I had was an uncomfortable pelvis and a standard of vomiting that could make you think it was something Id been doing for years. Now, well lets just say these wonderfully visible (and Im being sarcastic cause I miss my ability to blend in) I have expanded more than I ever thought possible. He signs for what is weird is considered normal. Other pregnancy veterans look at my little issues I have now like, “Girl please” lol not very comforting so I try to take the changes with the grace of everyone else. I don’t think its working. LOL.

Food.

I have no idea what Im doing. But I can tell you I’m hungry as I type. Yep, baby kicking,. 2:51am and this vintage Star Trek girl is following orders, heading to the stove. Have a great day!